On a positive note...I was invited... not one of those "a bunch of us are going and you can come if you want" situations. Which has often been my experience especially in AA. I do feel like she is reaching out to me...helping me to meet new people. I feel a bit funny though because she's only 24 (same age as my oldest son) and its like she's taking me under her wing.
I didn't go to the park to take pictures this afternoon (at least not yet) its way to hot out to walk. If I don't go this evening maybe I'll go on my way back from the appointment tomorrow...I have to pass right near the park anyway.
The laundry/storage room is off of my room. Even though I told my mother that she shouldn't come in till after 8am she woke me up this morning at about 7:15 when went back there ...at least she didn't do laundry. I really need to talk to her about respecting my needs. I think 8am is a reasonable time. Anyway I try to go back to sleep to no avail. It was about 10:30 when I finished watching Doctor Who S04E09 Forrest of the Dead (I love that episode). I was still tired so I decided to take a nap but again to no avail. My mind was racing with all the things I need accomplish so I can move out into an apartment of my own and "get a life" of my own.
My biggest problem is money. When I decided to move here flat prices were cheaper...or least I thought so. It looks like the only way I'm gonna get my own place is to have a flatmate. That's worrying me alot. I've never lived with anyone I didn't know. The problem is finding someone. I'd prefer to find someone first and them look for places rather than moving into someone elses flat. Even though there is a site online (Janglo) to look for flats and post for flatmates and I'm sure there are other sites. I really can't do much until I know how much money I'll have to work with. But maybe I should just look anyway there might be someone who's looking for something in the fall/winter and get a general idea what's out there. Maybe there are some really small studio like places.
I did get a few preparatory things done in the last week or so. .Last week I applied for unemployment...as a new citizen you get a very small stipend for the first 6 months. After that you're entitled to get unemployment for the rest of the first year...unfortunately I thought you had to wait till the 8th month so now I'll only get it for 4 months. Its not alot about the equivalent to $300 a month but every bit helps.
I also picked up the application for disability and contacted an organization that helps with filling out forms and stuff...the application is all in Hebrew and mine sucks. They will call me back this week to set up an appointment. I had asked a lawyer friend back in the States to request all of my medical records so I'd have them for the application but they said I have to send them a letter so I took care of that as well. Now I have to email my friend to ask him to call the doctors office and tell them I want the stuff sent express or the fastest they have. I can't get disability untill I've been here a year but I've been told its best to get your application in ahead of time since it takes quite some time to get approved...I hope I won't have too many problems with approval. I also finally sent in a change of address form for my disabilty from the States.
I still have to go to the American Consulate or Embassy to get a change of address for my US bank notarized. Thats gonna be a pain in the next cause they're not easy to get to and are in an Arab area...where I don't know my way around. I really can't afford to procratinate on that any longer. I get my disabilty from the States direct deposit and my Visa bank cards gonna exspire in the next few months. I can't decide if I should change it to my address here (they may not want to send the card overseas) or to use my brother's (who's in Florida) address and have him mail me the card when it comes.
I also found out that there was a charge on my bank card for about $150 that I don't remember making. I tried to call them but the whole menue is in Hebrew or I can get Russian and no matter how many buttons I press I can't get a live person, so I have to find someone to walk me through the menue and then hope I can get someone who speaks English. I really hopw that in time my Hebrew will get good enough to do these kind of things but I'm not counting on it...most people my age don't really become fluent.
I decided that I need to get out of the apartment at least every other day. Even if its just by myself...which it probably will be since the few people I do know work. I jsut remembered a little park I went to when I was visiting last year that I can go to to take pictures so I think I might do that today or tomorrow.
I feel a little better about having written this all out instead of just keeping it running around my brain.
I have to come up with a plan of action. I've been thining about calling an aquaintance from AA (who I only spoke to once or twice since I moved here) to see if she wants to get together. I hardly know her but I thought it might be worth the risk to try and make a friend. (that's if we have more in common than AA). Whats the worst that can happen? She might think I'm nuts for calling and say no. Its just so hard to make these kind of calls. That's it I'm gonna do it right now. Well I did it, I called her but I had to leave a message. I hate leaving messages for 2 reasons: 1. when I call I'm prepared to talk and have an idea what I'm going to say but when they call me back its unexpected and I tend to fumble over my words. If I don't answer when they call I risk playing phone tag and may eventually have to answer when my call is returned. 2. Many people don't listen to their messages or not that often so I never know if I should call them back and how long should I wait.I don't want to sound like I'm desperate (which in some ways I am) or be a nag. Even though I had to leave a message, I feel like I accomplished something. It may not turn out the way I would like it to but at least I made the effort and took a risk.
Is there a rule of thumb to how long one waits to call again?
Anyway back to the doctor. As I was talking with her I realized that most of my life the majority of my feelings have been the negative ones. So much pain, sadness, frustration, anger and anxiety.Either that or no feelings. I cna't remember the last time I felt happy nor excited. Wait that's not true. Thinking about it now I remember that when I used to play in a pool (billards) league I was happy when I won and thrilled when we got into the finals. I guess a good excersise for me would be too think back over my life and look for the good and postive memories...the fun times.
Last night I watched all four episodes in a row... was a bit bummed that I was left hanging at the end (wasn't expecting it to have more than 4 parts) I really enjoyed them but got confused a few times along the way. If someone could let me know when the 5th part airs I would greatly appreciate it...since it seems to me that its not on weekly. If it is on weekly please tell me when so I can look for the torrents.
I can't take this anymore. The Raisins are yelling and screaming at each other. Mom keeps telling dad what to do and then changes her mind and then gets pissed at him when he doesn't do it. If I “hear shut up” or “get out” one more time I think I'm gonna scream myself. She's just being so bitchy and bossy. If she says something or has an idea it has to be done right away...doesn't seem to realize that dad is probably in the middle of something else. All I can say is that if she starts that crap with me I will walk out and be done with the unpacking...I won't get into it with her. Good thing I have to leave in an hour for doctors appointment.
I'm back online after two days without internet...it felt like an eternity. Glad it all worked out with the instalation. We unpacked a alot of boxes and my father moved a whole lot more so we could get to walls for the tech guy. This is the first time since I moved to Israel in Nov. that I've had real internet...not "borrowed" from a neighbor. BTW has anyone heard of using a modem for phone...my new company set it up that way. I'm wondering if its because they can't use existing lines (another company) and they are using cable as its source.
Anyway I wrote the following on Monday.
This afternoon I was all excited about finding the Doctor Who special Planet of the Dead on a torrent, I had know idea that it had come out. When you rely on torrents for watching TV you have to know what's available. With series I know there'll be a new one every week. Anyway, I set it up to download and was getting pretty good speed but decided to go outside where I could get a better connection to neighbors wireless. It was going along great had about 50 min. left when all of the sudden I lost the connection or should I say it went to limited or local connection only. I've tried everything to get back online but to no avail. I wonder if my getting kicked of full internet had anything to do with my downloading.
I hate being off-line its like being out of touch with the world. If we can't get the phone/internet installed tomorrow (they might not be able to do it cuz all of the boxes and furniture might be in the way), I think I'll take a 20 min walk to get public wifi. I've tried calling the company to find out what they need to do, but can't get someone who speaks English and they say someone will call me back. I hope that if I can't get a hold of someone today and they do come tomorrow they won't charge me if they have to come back. I hate that I can hardly speak Hebrew and what I hate even more is that most companies have Russian customer service but not English...you just have to hope you get someone who happens to speak English.
Good news I now have finished downloading the Doctor Who special. I'm all excited...gonna watch it this afternoon when I get back from doctors appointment.